We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
