Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
