i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
