I wish my penis had an off switch
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
