I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
