We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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