dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
