I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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