So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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