Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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