I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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