I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They took my balls.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
