It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
