Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
