Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
