I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
