Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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