I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
