it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
