its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
