i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
