final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
