I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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