my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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