Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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