You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
soo... how was my night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
