Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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