Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
