Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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