i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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