Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
