Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
