I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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