the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
