Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I did not marry a roomba.
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