Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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