If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
