I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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