Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
