dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
