between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
