omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize