Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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