I wanna passion pit in your ass
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
