just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
