Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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