just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize