If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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