nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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