i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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