he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
