yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
