homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
