So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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