it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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