Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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