The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
