watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
