He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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