the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
