margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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